🍴Food for Thought: The Part of Recovery We Miss

Humility is something we talk about a lot in recovery and in life. We often understand it as bringing ourselves down from “ego,” self-importance, or the belief that we’re somehow better than others or that we have all the answers.

And sometimes that’s exactly what humility requires. An honest look at our problems with gambling probably supports that premise.

But what if our view of ourselves is already too low? Even if we have work to do in deflating our puffery in some areas, we may feel less than in many others.

I’ve known many people who are quick to acknowledge their flaws and failures. In fact, that can become a counterproductive habit when it isn’t balanced with something that’s often far more uncomfortable: recognizing their strengths, talents, growth, and the good they bring to other people’s lives.

They diminish themselves, deflect praise, or continue to see themselves primarily through the lens of their worst moments.

I don’t think that’s humility either.

Real humility, to me, is about seeing ourselves accurately in relation to others and, if you believe in God, to God. Ultimately, I am no better than you, but no worse either. Humility means acknowledging our limitations without denying our strengths, and recognizing what we have to offer without believing we’re more important than anyone else.

Presumably with the best of intentions, I’ve seen a lopsided emphasis on addressing defects while barely acknowledging, much less bolstering, strengths and virtues. Recovery circles, including GA and AA, can sometimes reinforce that imbalance.

I understand how the tilt occurs. We need to remain vigilant about the monkey on our back and how cunning it can be. But that worthy effort to stay alert to our vulnerabilities can cast a dangerous shadow over the equally important work of strengthening our positive qualities, developing our talents, and recognizing our immense potential.

Sometimes humility means coming down from the pedestal. Sometimes it means getting up off the floor.

Both require an honest view of who we are.