đ´Food for Thought: Not Every Harsh Truth is Honest
Many of us were taught, âIf you donât have something nice to say, donât say anything.â
Thatâs not a bad rule. But it is interesting how often we forget to apply it to ourselves. Some of us would never speak to another person in recovery the way we speak to ourselves. We would never look at someone who is trying to get better and say, âYouâre a loser. You ruined everything. Youâll never change. You donât deserve anything good. This will never work!â Or even worseâŚ
Inside our own heads, however, that kind of voice can become very familiar, sometimes even the norm. And even though it feels harsh, we may mistake it for honesty. Of course, recovery does require honesty. We do need to look clearly at the harm, the patterns, the lies, the consequences, and the ways gambling affected ourselves and the people around us.
There is a HUGE difference though between honest accountability and ongoing self-attack. Negative self-talk can sometimes feel like an act of taking responsibility, but often it just keeps us stuck in shame and self-flagellation. Those can in turn push us back toward secrecy, isolation, defensiveness, and a desire to escape.
For many of us, saying something good about ourselves, without qualifiers, feels uncomfortable, maybe even arrogant, but naming a strength is not the same as bragging. It may simply be part of an accurate inventory, an element of true humility or accurate self-appraisal.
I am resilient. I came back. I told the truth. I am trying. I care about my family. I am learning to ask for help. I am becoming more trustworthy.
Those are not empty affirmations or lofty notions when they are connected to real action.
I have learned that a very important part of recovery is learning to speak to myself in a way that is still honest, but no longer cruel. After all, I deserve to be good to myself. Now, that wasnât so hard to say⌠đ
Ready for a 30-minute no-pressure call to gain clarity & discuss what kind of support might be most helpful for you? Weâre here for you.
